just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
