It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
