Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
