Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
