I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
