Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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