Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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