I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
