i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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