I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
