there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize