Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
