I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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