Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize