he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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