I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
