to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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