So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize