You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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