covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
