I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
