If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
