you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
