At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
