hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
