Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize