My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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