Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
