is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Everyone says I win the strip club
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize