areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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