I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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