Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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