dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
