Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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