is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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