u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
did you just send me my own nude
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
