dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
