This girl is more easily done than said...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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