When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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