My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
