jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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