he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm really busy with my period
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