I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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