Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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