yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My pussy is not your playground.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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