He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
