there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
