STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You made out with two different species that night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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