I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
