There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize