i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
