Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
