maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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