Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
MIDGETS
????
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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