My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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