i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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