When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
