Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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