so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
