If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
