Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
