My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
