PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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