Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
