May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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