Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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