i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
