he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
