yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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