does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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