Church boner. Awkwardddd
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
