i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
