the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
