Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
