Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
