tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
