there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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