He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
