Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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